| Jacob, a participant in one of my telephone | | | | realizing how much I am not taking care of my |
| support groups, was exploring the fact that | | | | own feelings. When I feel bad, I often blame |
| he generally didn't like to be touched. He | | | | Leitha or complain to my daughter." "Phillip, |
| was sharing with the group a situation that | | | | how wonderful that you are realizing this! |
| used to happen with his mother. "She used to | | | | How terrific that you are open to learning |
| sit me on the couch with her and grab my arms | | | | about this! What a huge difference it is |
| and look intently into my eyes, telling me | | | | going to make to your daughter for you to |
| how much she loved me and how important to | | | | start to take responsibility for your own |
| her I was. I don't know exactly how to | | | | feelings." "You know," said Phillip, "I'm |
| describe what I felt when she did that." "Was | | | | excited about this. My daughter has been |
| it a yucky feeling?" asked Sarah, another | | | | having some problems lately and I think this |
| participant. "Yes, that's exactly the word! | | | | is why. I really do want to be a loving |
| Yucky! So yucky! Why did it feel so yucky?" | | | | father, and I can see that I haven't |
| "Because," Sarah said, "It was emotional | | | | understood that I have to be loving to myself |
| incest. I know all about this yucky feeling. | | | | before I can really love her in the way she |
| My father did the same thing with me." | | | | needs to be loved. This is going to make a |
| Emotional incest occurs when a parent | | | | big difference in my relationship with Leitha |
| energetically uses a child to fill an inner | | | | too." "Sarah and Phillip," said Jacob, "I am |
| emptiness that the parent is not taking | | | | so grateful to both of you for putting a name |
| responsibility for filling. When a parent | | | | to what I experienced as a child. It is |
| abandons himself or herself, that parent | | | | really a relief to know that there was a good |
| might latch on to a child to fill the black | | | | reason for the yucky feelings, and for not |
| hole that occurs from self-abandonment. While | | | | liking to be touched. I think that I have |
| it might not be as traumatic as sexual | | | | associated most touch with that yucky feeling |
| incest, it occurs for the same reasons - a | | | | of being pulled at to fill up my mother. I |
| wounded parent using a child addictively to | | | | feel like knowing this, maybe I can start to |
| get love and avoid pain. "Oh no!" said | | | | give normal hugs to the people who are |
| Phillip, another participant in the support | | | | important to me." A parent with a gaping |
| group. "I think I might be doing that to my | | | | inner hole that comes from inner abandonment |
| 15 year old daughter. No wonder she's been | | | | cannot just stop the emotional incest. |
| locking her bedroom door." "What have you | | | | Certainly you can stop the overt actions, but |
| been doing Phillip?" I asked. "Lots of times | | | | to stop the energetic pull, you need to be |
| when I'm feeling badly or when Leitha (his | | | | doing your own inner work so that you learn |
| wife) and I are having problems, I go into | | | | to fill your own inner emptiness. |
| her room before she goes to sleep and tell | | | | |
| her how upset I am. I complain to her about | | | | Margaret Paul, Ph.D. best-selling author of |
| things that are going on in my life. I | | | | eight books, and co-creator of the powerful |
| thought I was being a good dad - you know, | | | | Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web |
| spending time with her. But lately she has | | | | site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: Phone |
| been asking me not to come into her room. | | | | sessions available. |
| Since I started this group, I've been | | | | |