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Our Father - The Day God Answered

"Lord, Teach us how to Pray..."So I kneeledme.""So give us this day our daily
down, looked up with supplicant handsbread?""Ha, Son!, you guys have all those
outstretched and oh mamma, it finallybases covered yourselves. 'Ol Bart Simpson
happened."Our Father..""Yes?""Yes? What themade us all roar in here when he said 'Dear
hell!""You called me didn't you? It's me,God, since we paid for all this food, thanks
the Father""Holy Crap, your kidding!""No, I'mfor nothing." What a kid! We need to change
not kidding, you said "Our Father" and youthat to 'give us this day our daily booze and
just happened to catch me in the area. Howcigs and chips and fries.' I wish you guys
can I help you?""Who art in heaven?"Well duh,would all go back to daily bread. Then most
you're looking up aren't you? Although, Iof you wouldn't look like such little butter
gotta tell you, "up" is kinda out these days.balls, staggering through your day, smelling
It's really more of an "in there.""So youlike hell and having arteries filled with
think I should say, 'Our Father, who art inElmer's glue. I've tasted some of the bread
there?'"Yes, sounds better doesn't it? Andyou guys make. Ewwwwww, no thanks! I used to
that's really where I am."You're not ingive it with, you know, nice rain, great
Heaven?""Well I can be, but it's not an 'up'seeds, family farm stuff, but your big Ag.
here or even and 'out' here. I just like 'inboys have pretty much taken over giving you
here" better. Just correct it next for nextall your daily bread and the shaft I might
time.""Hallowed be thy name.""No really, youadd, so we can leave that one out of the
can cut that stuff out too. I don't need toprayer.""And forgive us our sins as we
be hallowed. I'm not that insecure. Yearsforgive those that sin against us?""Oh har
ago I told a crowd I was a jealous God, andhar har! Now no one means that anymore. If
have never heard the end of it. Back then,I forgave you guys as you forgive each other,
there were others gods around and I was kindawell I'd have to kill ya! You are becoming
kidding about feeling left out and not thethe most nasty, lying, self righteous,
Big Kahuna, so I threw in the jealous thing.unforgiving and judgmental bunch I have ever
Well, that proved embarassing for monotheism,had on the planet to date! Seems the more
something I promote, so we don't say thatyou try to make the world like you think I
anymore. I just told the 24 guys around mywant it, the more freaky you become. No, you
throne who sing 'holy,holy holy' to me daybest leave this one alone or at least don't
and night, forever to knock it off. It REALLYmention it until you really mean it.""And
get's old! So you don't have to hallow me.lead us not into temptation?""Excuse me, I
I'm over it. How can I help you?""Thydon't. You are doing just fine with leading
Kingdom come?""Really? You want my kingdomyourself. Why would I do that anyway? Trust
to come? First drop the King James talk ok?me, I have a lot more things to do than lead
Jesus and I talk that way to each other whenhumanity into any more shenanigans than they
we are goofin around, but not when we havelead themselves into already! Oh oh, and I
some serious things to discuss. So you wantNEVER told the President to take out Sadaam!
my Kingdom to come huh? What's that mean?"IAnd I didn't put him there either in the
dunno. I was just told to ask it.""Yeah,first place. Wait until you find out that
pretty common, but you know, no one reallystory. Har har, oops sorry, I shouldn't make
means it. I mean, and trust me, governmentlight of what you guys are quite capable of
leaders don't mean it. Cause I'd be puttingleading yourselves into without my help. So
them out of business and taking them off thelet's drop this part. It makes me feel badly
payroll. Lot's of company CEO's don't meanto think you all think I'm behind all the
it, because I'd be eliminating their productstemptations you just can't seem to resist.
from the food chain and taking away theirWhat's that? Oh, and Satan says get off his
incentive to screw people for bucks. Andback too. He doesn't do half the stuff he
trust me, the Evangelists, Apostles andget's blamed for either.""But deliver us from
Preachers don't mean it, because they'd findevil?""Son, if I did that, you'd all have to
out just how wrong about tons of stuff theygo. It takes the evil to contrast the good.
were.""Really?""Oh yeah man really! Besides,Kinda like 'ol John Denver, he says hi, said
I said it was already in you. I put it there'relatively speaking, you make me who I am.
because I knew you humans would figure outmountains need the valleys like the ocean
how to look every last place in the universeneeds the sand.' What's that? Oh, John says
for me, but never think to look inside. Sothat's not how he said it...Well something
for the most part, they haven't found me.like that, but he got it right. So live with
Cool huh?""So you don't want them to findit and just don't be a part of it it when you
you?""Actually, not for now. I have tospot it.""For yours is the Kingdom and the
figure out how to convince and teach themPower and the Glory forever""Well no actually
that their bringing in their idea of aYOURS is the Kingdom and the Power and the
Kingdom of Me is freaking scary and will leadGlory, but that's a nice thought at least.
to nothing but more trouble. I gotta tellOf course every freakin day I watch your
ya, Christian types who want to run thingshuman governments push for their own form of
like I did in the Old Testament, and evenkingdom. What's with all the spying you guys
after I changed my mind on some stuff in theare doing on each other? Actually the Power
New, scare the hell out of me. At leastand all of the Glory belongs to fewer and
remember the Taliban for Go.., well neverfewer of you take advantage of your position
mind. And I don't even believe in hell!"types. Wow, if you guys only could see
Just between you and me, they made that up towhat's going on the way I do. What's that?
scare the hell INTO you! It's a controlOh Jesus says tell your leaders they to quit
thing and they got that down pat.""So what isdoing the church thing and ignoring the
the Kingdom I am asking for?""You can'tmessage. Although it's kinda fun when they
handle it son, sorry. But you'll like itpray in public to me, we're ignoring them
when you come to see it, and you will.too! You know, that 'what goes around, comes
Everything in it's own time here.""Your willaround' thing.""Amen..""Wow, I never expected
be done?""Well nice try, but while you mightyou to really answer me.""Yeah, sometimes we
mean that, but most don't even want to thinkpick someone to scare the hell out of and
of me getting involved in what they want. Itoday was your day. Hope it didn't scare you
can't tell you how many times I have answeredtoo much.""No, no...I"m fine. Just
that one for people, and they just freak out.thinking.""Yeah, we hear that a lot when we
They don't like my will, and besides, I don'treally answer that prayer. It's a bit out of
have near the one they think for them to begdate and maybe you guys that do seek a deeper
for. The problem seems to be we thinkspirituality rather than just the religious
differently and well, they just didn't knowthing, which really does nothing but divide
that. One guy quoted a bunch of scripturesand mess you guys up, should drop it. Most
at me just this morning about me making gooddon't mean it anyway.""Ok, thanks. Well have
on my will for him. It was hilarious. He wasa nice day.""Sure, no problem, thanks for
quoting the old me, in the Old Testament,getting touch. Tell your friends what I said.
where I was jealous and very angry at all theWell, actually don't. They will just make
nations of the earth and especially thosethings difficult for you. Oh oh...still
bozo Israelites. I've changed a lot sincethere?""Yes.""The Holy Spirit said to tell
then. I din't have the heart to really 'myyour minister that, inspite of what the
will be done' him. He can't handle itApostle Paul said, it doesn't moan and peep
either. Actually he spent about an hourand groan intercessions for people when they
trying to convince me that his will was mydon't know how to pray. Besides, if he did
will, but twern't so.""On earth as it is inthat to me, we'd just all break out laughing.
heaven?""Son, if I did that, mankind wouldJust because Paul never new the human Jesus,
think they just crossed over into a parallelonly saw him in a vision in his head, and the
universe. Besides, apples and oranges.Gospels were written after he died, that is
There is not much here I can translate tono reason to make up such a thing. The Holy
anything you guys could handle 'down there',Spirit says it's quite capable of coherent
ha, just kidding. I'm in here remember. Iinspiration and doesn't moan and groan to me.
wish I had never meantioned the streets ofI kinda felt sorry for HS when Paul made
gold thing. I was just kidding! Now I havethat up. We have teased HS endlessly to do
to listen to all the Christian trader andthat groany/moany thing for us. Have a nice
investors hinting that they want in on theday.""Ok, I'll ask him about that...and Amen
heavenly gold market and just what is that?again.""You bet...
I never wrote that, but I did let it get past



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