| "Lord, Teach us how to Pray..."So I kneeled | | | | me.""So give us this day our daily |
| down, looked up with supplicant hands | | | | bread?""Ha, Son!, you guys have all those |
| outstretched and oh mamma, it finally | | | | bases covered yourselves. 'Ol Bart Simpson |
| happened."Our Father..""Yes?""Yes? What the | | | | made us all roar in here when he said 'Dear |
| hell!""You called me didn't you? It's me, | | | | God, since we paid for all this food, thanks |
| the Father""Holy Crap, your kidding!""No, I'm | | | | for nothing." What a kid! We need to change |
| not kidding, you said "Our Father" and you | | | | that to 'give us this day our daily booze and |
| just happened to catch me in the area. How | | | | cigs and chips and fries.' I wish you guys |
| can I help you?""Who art in heaven?"Well duh, | | | | would all go back to daily bread. Then most |
| you're looking up aren't you? Although, I | | | | of you wouldn't look like such little butter |
| gotta tell you, "up" is kinda out these days. | | | | balls, staggering through your day, smelling |
| It's really more of an "in there.""So you | | | | like hell and having arteries filled with |
| think I should say, 'Our Father, who art in | | | | Elmer's glue. I've tasted some of the bread |
| there?'"Yes, sounds better doesn't it? And | | | | you guys make. Ewwwwww, no thanks! I used to |
| that's really where I am."You're not in | | | | give it with, you know, nice rain, great |
| Heaven?""Well I can be, but it's not an 'up' | | | | seeds, family farm stuff, but your big Ag. |
| here or even and 'out' here. I just like 'in | | | | boys have pretty much taken over giving you |
| here" better. Just correct it next for next | | | | all your daily bread and the shaft I might |
| time.""Hallowed be thy name.""No really, you | | | | add, so we can leave that one out of the |
| can cut that stuff out too. I don't need to | | | | prayer.""And forgive us our sins as we |
| be hallowed. I'm not that insecure. Years | | | | forgive those that sin against us?""Oh har |
| ago I told a crowd I was a jealous God, and | | | | har har! Now no one means that anymore. If |
| have never heard the end of it. Back then, | | | | I forgave you guys as you forgive each other, |
| there were others gods around and I was kinda | | | | well I'd have to kill ya! You are becoming |
| kidding about feeling left out and not the | | | | the most nasty, lying, self righteous, |
| Big Kahuna, so I threw in the jealous thing. | | | | unforgiving and judgmental bunch I have ever |
| Well, that proved embarassing for monotheism, | | | | had on the planet to date! Seems the more |
| something I promote, so we don't say that | | | | you try to make the world like you think I |
| anymore. I just told the 24 guys around my | | | | want it, the more freaky you become. No, you |
| throne who sing 'holy,holy holy' to me day | | | | best leave this one alone or at least don't |
| and night, forever to knock it off. It REALLY | | | | mention it until you really mean it.""And |
| get's old! So you don't have to hallow me. | | | | lead us not into temptation?""Excuse me, I |
| I'm over it. How can I help you?""Thy | | | | don't. You are doing just fine with leading |
| Kingdom come?""Really? You want my kingdom | | | | yourself. Why would I do that anyway? Trust |
| to come? First drop the King James talk ok? | | | | me, I have a lot more things to do than lead |
| Jesus and I talk that way to each other when | | | | humanity into any more shenanigans than they |
| we are goofin around, but not when we have | | | | lead themselves into already! Oh oh, and I |
| some serious things to discuss. So you want | | | | NEVER told the President to take out Sadaam! |
| my Kingdom to come huh? What's that mean?"I | | | | And I didn't put him there either in the |
| dunno. I was just told to ask it.""Yeah, | | | | first place. Wait until you find out that |
| pretty common, but you know, no one really | | | | story. Har har, oops sorry, I shouldn't make |
| means it. I mean, and trust me, government | | | | light of what you guys are quite capable of |
| leaders don't mean it. Cause I'd be putting | | | | leading yourselves into without my help. So |
| them out of business and taking them off the | | | | let's drop this part. It makes me feel badly |
| payroll. Lot's of company CEO's don't mean | | | | to think you all think I'm behind all the |
| it, because I'd be eliminating their products | | | | temptations you just can't seem to resist. |
| from the food chain and taking away their | | | | What's that? Oh, and Satan says get off his |
| incentive to screw people for bucks. And | | | | back too. He doesn't do half the stuff he |
| trust me, the Evangelists, Apostles and | | | | get's blamed for either.""But deliver us from |
| Preachers don't mean it, because they'd find | | | | evil?""Son, if I did that, you'd all have to |
| out just how wrong about tons of stuff they | | | | go. It takes the evil to contrast the good. |
| were.""Really?""Oh yeah man really! Besides, | | | | Kinda like 'ol John Denver, he says hi, said |
| I said it was already in you. I put it there | | | | 'relatively speaking, you make me who I am. |
| because I knew you humans would figure out | | | | mountains need the valleys like the ocean |
| how to look every last place in the universe | | | | needs the sand.' What's that? Oh, John says |
| for me, but never think to look inside. So | | | | that's not how he said it...Well something |
| for the most part, they haven't found me. | | | | like that, but he got it right. So live with |
| Cool huh?""So you don't want them to find | | | | it and just don't be a part of it it when you |
| you?""Actually, not for now. I have to | | | | spot it.""For yours is the Kingdom and the |
| figure out how to convince and teach them | | | | Power and the Glory forever""Well no actually |
| that their bringing in their idea of a | | | | YOURS is the Kingdom and the Power and the |
| Kingdom of Me is freaking scary and will lead | | | | Glory, but that's a nice thought at least. |
| to nothing but more trouble. I gotta tell | | | | Of course every freakin day I watch your |
| ya, Christian types who want to run things | | | | human governments push for their own form of |
| like I did in the Old Testament, and even | | | | kingdom. What's with all the spying you guys |
| after I changed my mind on some stuff in the | | | | are doing on each other? Actually the Power |
| New, scare the hell out of me. At least | | | | and all of the Glory belongs to fewer and |
| remember the Taliban for Go.., well never | | | | fewer of you take advantage of your position |
| mind. And I don't even believe in hell!" | | | | types. Wow, if you guys only could see |
| Just between you and me, they made that up to | | | | what's going on the way I do. What's that? |
| scare the hell INTO you! It's a control | | | | Oh Jesus says tell your leaders they to quit |
| thing and they got that down pat.""So what is | | | | doing the church thing and ignoring the |
| the Kingdom I am asking for?""You can't | | | | message. Although it's kinda fun when they |
| handle it son, sorry. But you'll like it | | | | pray in public to me, we're ignoring them |
| when you come to see it, and you will. | | | | too! You know, that 'what goes around, comes |
| Everything in it's own time here.""Your will | | | | around' thing.""Amen..""Wow, I never expected |
| be done?""Well nice try, but while you might | | | | you to really answer me.""Yeah, sometimes we |
| mean that, but most don't even want to think | | | | pick someone to scare the hell out of and |
| of me getting involved in what they want. I | | | | today was your day. Hope it didn't scare you |
| can't tell you how many times I have answered | | | | too much.""No, no...I"m fine. Just |
| that one for people, and they just freak out. | | | | thinking.""Yeah, we hear that a lot when we |
| They don't like my will, and besides, I don't | | | | really answer that prayer. It's a bit out of |
| have near the one they think for them to beg | | | | date and maybe you guys that do seek a deeper |
| for. The problem seems to be we think | | | | spirituality rather than just the religious |
| differently and well, they just didn't know | | | | thing, which really does nothing but divide |
| that. One guy quoted a bunch of scriptures | | | | and mess you guys up, should drop it. Most |
| at me just this morning about me making good | | | | don't mean it anyway.""Ok, thanks. Well have |
| on my will for him. It was hilarious. He was | | | | a nice day.""Sure, no problem, thanks for |
| quoting the old me, in the Old Testament, | | | | getting touch. Tell your friends what I said. |
| where I was jealous and very angry at all the | | | | Well, actually don't. They will just make |
| nations of the earth and especially those | | | | things difficult for you. Oh oh...still |
| bozo Israelites. I've changed a lot since | | | | there?""Yes.""The Holy Spirit said to tell |
| then. I din't have the heart to really 'my | | | | your minister that, inspite of what the |
| will be done' him. He can't handle it | | | | Apostle Paul said, it doesn't moan and peep |
| either. Actually he spent about an hour | | | | and groan intercessions for people when they |
| trying to convince me that his will was my | | | | don't know how to pray. Besides, if he did |
| will, but twern't so.""On earth as it is in | | | | that to me, we'd just all break out laughing. |
| heaven?""Son, if I did that, mankind would | | | | Just because Paul never new the human Jesus, |
| think they just crossed over into a parallel | | | | only saw him in a vision in his head, and the |
| universe. Besides, apples and oranges. | | | | Gospels were written after he died, that is |
| There is not much here I can translate to | | | | no reason to make up such a thing. The Holy |
| anything you guys could handle 'down there', | | | | Spirit says it's quite capable of coherent |
| ha, just kidding. I'm in here remember. I | | | | inspiration and doesn't moan and groan to me. |
| wish I had never meantioned the streets of | | | | I kinda felt sorry for HS when Paul made |
| gold thing. I was just kidding! Now I have | | | | that up. We have teased HS endlessly to do |
| to listen to all the Christian trader and | | | | that groany/moany thing for us. Have a nice |
| investors hinting that they want in on the | | | | day.""Ok, I'll ask him about that...and Amen |
| heavenly gold market and just what is that? | | | | again.""You bet... |
| I never wrote that, but I did let it get past | | | | |